So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
