I puked a lego.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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