Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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