On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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