My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
