if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
