Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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