i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
