exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
