I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Green mimosas i think yes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
