Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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