Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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