He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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