he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
