my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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