I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
