Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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