3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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