So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
