after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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