Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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