She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
