Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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