I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
