Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
