I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
