Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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