So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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