No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
