It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
