New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
