Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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