I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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