After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I forget how to act sober
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
