Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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