hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
