shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
