there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
