Can i not drive my cunt home
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
