we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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