I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
