youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
