I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
