This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
