i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My boob is missing a layer of skin
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
