Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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