Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But we have bathrooms and they dont
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
