Ketchup is God's man juice
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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