I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
