I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
