You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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