some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
