I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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