no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
