i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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