just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
