oh god the rape fog is back!
you traded sex for a burrito?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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